Las
Vegas
I spent
5 days in Vegas once. It was Comdex, and I was working for a start up
technology company in Sausalito. For 48 hours, we thought this place was
awesome. It had cheap rooms (even if the company was paying), free drinks all
night for girls with company money for gambling, great pools, crazy sites,
luxury everything. It was the golden age of Silicon Valley and we thought the
money would never dry up…
The problem
with working a convention in Vegas is that you are awake during the day. You
see the people up at 7:00 am, sitting at their stools with their beers in their
hands, mechanically sticking quarters into the machines. You see the hang overs
doing the walk of shame. You see the dirt that gets hidden by the night and the
neon. It’s not pretty.
Why
were we going? It was directly on our route. Tom had not been since he was a
boy, and even though it’s not really a kid’s town, they’d have fun. We chose
Excalibur because it had lots of kid friendly stuff, great pools and was $55 a
night.
The
kids were definitely loving the castle and knight theme. George most of all,
since it is his middle name. He IS a Knight.

The
start to our stay was the breakfast buffet, which was unfortunate. It was one
of those places you see in grade B mobster movie. A nice Italian girl gets
married to a mobster but doesn’t know. It has mirrors and gold, stinky carpet
with a floral pattern, and rounded booths (which Cole always likes because they
are shaped like a ‘C’).
I got
up to explore and got stuck in an omelette line. He was pretty cool.. the
omelette guy. He had 6 pans going at once. One know-it-all guy threw down 3
bucks. What did that mean? All of us in line wondered. This guy was kind of
confident… at least when it came to eggs. Should I put down money? I’d just
paid too much for the breakfast I felt. These rules were different. I’d once
gone to a Brooklyn wedding in a room like this and the couple went around
hugging people and receiving cash and checks. I gave them Twister and whipped
cream. It was the only tangible present.
What
were these rules? I never know what I should tip a bell boy, and as a result I
run – really – when I see them approach.
I hate not knowing the rules. I feel like George. In the South, the
women always exit first. A man will catch the door, get the door, stop the
door. It’s a rule. I don’t quite get it, but I can count on it. No wonder
George and Cole get overwhelmed on the playground with the rules.
We
couldn’t decide what to do after the buffet, so we went to the pool. It was not
one pool but four. The kids were in heaven. I asked Tom to wait on the
Tournament of Kings tickets because I’d seen them cheaper online – a vague
memory of a discount coupon. I checked online, did research and then with his
persistence at the reception desk, we ended up saving $170. We also got free
drinks and two free spa days to boot. I was drinking my almost free fru fru
frozen drink and feeling good with the good life (even if it was not exactly my
particular kind of GOOD life) when I felt something below me. George had
climbed under my chair and was now demanding I move because I was inhibiting
his privacy. I moved to the next lounge chair and was just getting settled again
when Tom showed up with the Tournament of Kings tickets and a package for Cole
from his cousin Irv. Cole watched as I opened it, unable to believe until he
saw that this was, in fact, All Bown Ki’y, whom he had not seen for two weeks.
He grabbed his cat and hugged it. Kissed it. Made its goofy face by squeezing
its eyes on the sides. He was so happy that when I looked at Tom and saw the
tears in his eyes, I realized I was crying too. Cole lay under his towel
hugging his kitty.
Later,
George admitted that he’d missed ABK too. He’d even helped Cole write a letter
to Santa Claus to help find ABK.
We all discussed how when someone you love loves someone, then you love
that someone too.
We all
napped. And when we woke up George
resumed his seat on the window ledge. It looked out over the Vegas strip and
onto New York New York’s roller coaster. We were on level 23 so it was a nice
view. We got out of the room slowly and then sought out the M & M store
because it was close by. I’d heard about sculptures or some such thing and so
had Tom. It would be easy to do before dinner. There was no sculpture. There
were 4 floors of crappy merchandise screaming BUY ME with the M&M logo on
each one.

There were duvet covers and throw pillows in pink silk embroidered with
hella happy M & Ms. It’s all a kind of brainwashing. “Come kids. Be happy.
Think fun. Have fun in store with logo. See logo think happy. Buy. Buy. Buy. It
will make you happy.” There was a weird journey thought the making an M&M.
We skipped the free movie. We’d seen enough propaganda with Presidents. Does everything in this country have to
be sold?
Las
Vegas is the grown-up brainwashing. “Come stay cheaply in a hotel pretending to
be something else. Drink the Koolaid that makes you feel funny and happy (for
some people). Spend. Spend. Spend. Buy. Buy. Buy.”
Tom and
I knew going into this that Las Vegas was not going to be our town, so it feels
pretty dull to just slam it. We tried to enjoy it. At least Las Vegas isn’t
trying to be anything other than what it is.
And let
it be proclaimed, the Tournament of Kings was awesome. It was perfect for our
kids and goofy fun for us. It had great stage combat, real men on horses
clanging swords on shields, real dirt, “real” jousting (break-away lances)…
Cole acted out the stage combat next to me. George was riveted. Adeline cuddled
close while taking everything in.
We had
the naughty Russian king who was, even Tom admitted, very handsome and
charismatic. He made it fun to yell and cheer. Afterwards the boys patted the
horses and posed with the blondie, new (yawn boring) king. He was pretty
self-involved and always playing with his hair. The squire muscle men were much
cooler.
We had
to pass the kids arcade to get back to our room and therefore got stuck. George
and Cole won a monkey while fishing. Daddy won a teddy bear, which Adeline
immediately grasped to her and called “Dog.” We dragged them away but they escaped and tried out their knight moves on the hotel hallway carpet. Finally they slept.
Day Two
Vegas
We woke
up early for Vegas and late for us. The kids played around, jumping and standing
on the window ledge. Just for the hell of it, Tom checked, and… the window slid
right open. I was frozen. Tom grabbed the kids. We both felt physically sick
just thinking of what could have happened 23 stories up. We sent for an
engineer who said the window stops after a few inches with a child lock. But it
hadn’t. No more kids near the
window,
We had
promised the kids a circus at Circus Circus, which is famous for free circus
shows every half an hour. We drove there because the kids would never make it
there walking, but not before having a grown-up fight. The neighbors heard us,
no doubt, but I figured it was payback fro the drunk screamining the night
before. I can’t remember exactly what the fight was about other than being
tired and stretched too thin.
Circus
Circus was not the answer. We had to drag the kids through half a mile of
lighty, blinky, flashy, talkie, buy me! things and then up a rounded ramp,
through an arcade and into some seats. It was a one woman aerial show, and she
was bad. She had a weird triangular cage thing which she did bad pageant ballet
on. Her costume had unexplained plush, pointy spikes on it, one coming directly
out of her chest.
The
kids had to be dragged from the arcade for lunch. Tired of the many meals of
just plainly bad food, we headed for the Bellagio. If there was good food to be
had in Vegas, it would be there. I’ve never been to the Bellagio, but it was a
completely different world. Firstly, there were no slot machine football fields
to greet you as you entered. You had to look for the casino and at its entrance
was a classical pianist playing a Steinway in a tux (very different from the
sparkling bikini girl dancing on the main bar in Excaliber). The carpet didn’t stink. The garden
court had cool glass flower sculptures and garden animals made elaborately out
of flowers. There were hot air balloons up on the beautiful art deco glass
ceiling. I still don’t exactly know what it all meant, but it was a welcome
change to Circus Circus. There was no blinky, blinky and as a result, I think,
the kids and parents relaxed a bit.
We had
a good lunch overlooking the garden. What great luck! We thought. It turns out
there was a fountain show happening so that not many people were inside, which
was perfect for us.
George
walked around with me while everyone else napped. We walked down the strip and
people in “GIRLS: to your door in 20 minutes or less” shirts slapped their
wrists twice whenever a person passed and handed a card to them. They’d slap
their wrists but pull their hand away when they saw George. We were looking for
a short sleeve shirt for Tom, which is harder than you think in Vegas… most of
the shirts are, frankly, a bit rude. I HEART TO FART or TELL YOUR TITS TO STOP
STARING AT MY EYES. Are those really the big sellers? Why? I saw a “Sale” sign in a men’s store and went in. “What
does that say”” asked George looking at the sign. “Sale.” I said. “The clothes
are on sale.” “Aren’t all the clothes on sale if they are in a store?”
Excellent point. It was a long walk. We had to find a bathroom for George every
block or so, and he is not inclined to walk quickly when he has a lot of
questions.
When we
got back to the Excalibur, Tom was in the pool with Adeline and Cole who hadn’t
napped for long . As we arrived, Adeline was in her lady bug raft at the base
of the slide with Tom. I waved hi. Tom looked up at us and asked how it
went. As we were talking,
apparently, Cole had come down the slide. There was just this little boy
swimming, his head just underwater. He had complete trust that his Daddy would
scoop him up, so he just kept dog-paddling along. Tom said later that it
occurred to him that he should help this little boy, whoever he is. It was only when he lifted him out of
the water, that we realized it was Cole.
Cole came out, took a deep breath, and shouted, “Again!”
I
suddenly realized that my wallet was gone. Tom got on the phone to the credit
card company. We thought it had been stolen when I got Adeline and Cole out of
the water, but then I remembered Dick’s, the casino bar (“Shame o’ the strip”
is its tagline). I was going to buy some water there while George used the
bathroom (it was the only bathroom I could find). It was his last bathroom
break before the pool. I ran back. “Yeah we have it. Go find Taco.” “Taco?
Who’s Taco?” “You know Taco.” “No, I really don’t.” She looked at me funny and
then told me to follow her. We went through the entire large bar that drifts
inside and outside; upstairs and downstairs. Whenever we would see someone, she
would ask, “Have you seen Taco?” Not only did everyone know who Taco was, but
everyone had just seen him. Who is this Taco? I wondered.
As we
came back down a spiral staircase, someone on a loudspeaker said, “We’ve got a
bride-to-be in the house.” My guide stopped to listen. I looked at her
strangely. “That’s Taco.” She whispered. A charismatic, funny guy pulled 2
women in their chairs back to back. They both had on pope-sized paper hats on
their heads with rude sayings. Everyone was laughing. My guide called over
Taco. “She’s the one with the wallet.” “Actually she’s the one without it,”
Taco retorted. He went through my wallet asking me random questions about my
husband’s mothers last name and all the numbers of my credit card backwards. He
then made me buy a drink. I got it in a plastic black cowboy boot (I figured
the boys would like it) and he poured in an extra shot. Great. Luckily Tom
helped me drink it.
We had
planned on a fountain show somewhere to which we would take the metro – the
kids had been begging for a train ride – but with no nap, the kids were
exhausted. We opted for the one stop, free metro ride to the Mandalay Bay
Hotel. Cole found all of his
pajamas (7 days worth) and put them all on, with Spiderman on top. He called
himself Fat Spiderman. His arms were so fat he couldn’t put them by his side.
It was a good Chinese meal, although our kids made a mess, broke a glass and
climbed up into the center of group of booths at the center of the restaurant.
We had
joked about getting a babysitter for a night. We’d gotten one in NYC for 2
nights. She had been used as a daytime babysitter for a friend who recommended
her. She seemed very steady and strong. George told us later at East Hampton
that she shook Adeline when Adeline wouldn’t stop crying. We’d told the
babysitter to call if Adeline got upset, but the sitter was proud and wouldn’t.
George told us that he and Cole peeked from the bedroom and saw her shaking and
shouting at Adeline. She also apparently shut Cole in the bathroom when he was
upset. George said he hid under the covers so that she wouldn’t get mad at him.
When we
heard this, we were freaked out. We’d never had an experience like this. George
was the only one who would talk about it, so we kept asking him questions which
may have seared the whole episode in his mind more then it should have been. We
asked them all if they’d liked her after the first night, and they were all
fine with it. No alarm bells went off. We felt awful. Obviously we weren’t
going to leave our kids with a stranger again even if we REALLY needed a break.
We might have ended up with one of the Girls in 20 minutes who was looking for
cash on the side…
Out.
Out. Of Las Vegas we went. There had been this huge city in the middle of
nowhere that was created by someone’s dream. Bugsy was it? And here it was
bigger than ever. I liked the American dream part and it was easy for Tom to
see in it the deadend of the Gold Rush. There is a long American tradition of
luck in fortune (with rather poor odds) and a potentially big pay off. My
family came out for the Gold Rush but got wise and started a water business –
the Sacramento water channels – to get those miners water. I must have
inherited the water gene instead of the gold gene, as I have no interest in
gambling. Between Tom and me, we spent exactly zero on slot machines. In some
class I once studied the statistical chances of winning back your money in a
slot machine and haven’t been close to one since.
We
drove quickly to Nixon’s Library. We were flying out of LAX to France and had
one last President to see. We had planned to see Reagan’s library too, but we
wouldn’t be able to. (And since it isn’t a childhood home, and we saw those in
Illinois, it is not necessary… but it did start the idea for this entire trip…
so it somehow seems somewhat appropriate that it was the only library we
missed).
Nixon’s
library was fascinating. There was supposed to be an exhibit on Watergate that
was truthful-ish, but it was closed for renovation. President Nixon was alive
during the library’s opening, and the museum is filled with volunteers who
still worship him. Do they not realize that he was a criminal? The only
President to resign the office? Nixon was the king of the comeback, and it
seemed that he was still trying to make his comeback even to his death.
Even
with those who worked there (and some near the entrance from the parking lot
who eyed us suspiciously due to our Obama sticker), didn’t see the irony in the
joke Nixon items available in the bookshop… the finger lights for breaking and
entering, the mousepads with Nixon and a decked-out Elvis shaking hands, etc…
The
kids and I got a snack at the cafeteria while Tom snooped around. George was
having a naughty moment and ran away “Looking for Daddy.” I couldn’t find him
anywhere and enlisted the help of the volunteers. When he surfaced, laughing, I
was livid. I have never been so mad and worried, and George knew it. He walked
obediently with me outside to see Nixon’s childhood home and helicopter.
When we
opened the door to the beautiful garden, pool, park, we walked into the middle
of wedding photos. Adeline was actually in the photo with the bride and I had
to move her. There was a white iron arbor that had been strategically placed in
the park between the museum and childhood home as well as rows and rows of
white plastic chairs. Men in slightly dated tuxedos and women in heels sat
along the reflecting pool. Who would have their wedding here? And when the
museum is still open and people can just wander into the photos. It was just
strange.
We
toured the house quickly. It was a quick tour, and the kids were doing anything
I asked of them (they were a little scared of me). We exited the house and into
yet another photo with the bride. Adeline became a nuisance when she kept chasing
the Nixon cat into ever photo the photographer was taking. I dragged her to the
helicopter where she sat down everywhere she was not allowed to sit on the
helicopter. “I understand,” said the nervous volunteer for the twentieth time.
“I was once a preschool teacher.”
We
stayed near LAX, and the highlight was a visit from Grandma and Poppy. The kids
were beyond excited. It was only a few hours and left us all longing for more,
but we took what we could get! They then very graciously drove our supermobile
back to Berkeley for us, where it will be waiting.
Bon
Voyage! We leave for France! Internet options will be minimal and chances to
post will be almost impossible. We get back on August 31 and Batmom will be
back then!
(Pictures will come at a later stage. Please check back with us... me).
Recent Comments