It is winter break for the boys this week. I must admit that lounging around in our pajamas all day was fun (and not just for Cole). When we finally ventured out, it was to The Pub for dinner to meet the Tennants (Tom’s sister Rebecca, her husband Jean-Paul, and their four children).
I put on Adeline’s kitty cat rain boots. Cole protested. He likes to wear Adeline’s pink kitty cat boots, but frankly, they are way too small for Cole (which doesn’t stop him from “borrowing” them from her). AND I didn’t feel like running back upstairs to get her different shoes. Cole pitched a big ol' fit. I mean the boy LOVES kitty cats. He also does not like to be told he can’t have something. Does anyone? I tried to negotiate by offering several other pairs of boots and shoes. “No! No! Kitty boots.” “You have a choice, Cole, the ladybug boots, the giraffe boots or the superhero boots.” “They are not superhero boots. They are not boots.” “They’re kind of boots.They go above the ankle… ankle boots.” “THEY ARE NOT BOOTS.” It’s true that ankle boots don’t seem very superheroish. “Which boots, Cole?” “Kitty boots,” cried Cole. I repeated. “You have a choice. Choose one of these pair of boots or we don’t go to the pub and see your cousins. Do you want to go to the pub?” “Yes.”
He surveyed all of the options and suddenly lit up with a huge smile. “I want these kitty boots.” He picked up the ladybug boots and began to put them on. “These are my kitty boots.” I was watching curiously and closely. What did this mean? He looked up at me and said, “I am going to pretend that these are my kitty boots.” “Great,” I said. “They are very lovely kitty boots.” He grabbed my hand as we walked to the car, “I love my kitty boots.” I didn’t know whether to feel happy that he was happy or feel extremely sad that I didn’t give him the kitty boots which obviously meant so much to him. Did they mean that much?
Tom was delighted when I told him about the episode. Tom feels that the ability to turn something around that way and make it good will serve Cole well in life. Will it? I hope so. But I can’t help but think that I missed something in my exchange with Cole. Would I do anything differently? Not really. My intention was good, and I feel that Cole wants boundaries drawn. If he knows where the boundaries are, he can jump and not worry about where the ceiling is. He just wishes he could do that jumping in his sister's size 7 pink and purple kitty cat boots. Is that so much to ask?
You did the right thing! And Cole did a great job of adapting. Tom's right - kids need to be able to adapt. And you're right - kids need limits and boundaries to make them feel safe.
Posted by: Sylvia | February 17, 2009 at 01:35 AM